Who’s Driving Your Bus?

Every Part Has a Purpose

By Tracy Lynch · RTTA Learnings

Ever caught yourself saying, “I hate the lazy part of me”? Or maybe, “Why can't I just stop eating when I'm stressed?” or “Why do I always say yes when I really want to say no?”

Sometimes we don't just dislike a behaviour. We begin to dislike the part of ourselves that seems to be doing it.

In Resource Therapy, all parts are welcome.

That doesn't mean every behaviour is helpful, or that every behaviour needs to stay. It means we can start with curiosity instead of criticism.

What's this part trying to do for me?

Imagine the part that reaches for food after a hard day. Maybe it's looking for comfort or relief. The part that can't say no might be trying to keep the peace or protect a relationship. And the part you've called lazy? Perhaps it's been desperately trying to get you some rest.

We can gently ask: What is this behaviour trying to get for me? Protection? Relief? Rest? Connection? A sense of power or control?

Then we get curious about the part's story. How long has it been doing this job? When did it first learn this way of coping? Has it been working overtime for years?

Appreciating the part isn't agreeing with the behaviour

Some of our parts learned their jobs a long time ago, in circumstances that were very different from our lives now. Their strategies may once have helped us manage difficult feelings or experiences, even if those strategies are getting in the way today.

There can be a real shift when we recognise how hard a part has been working and appreciate what it has been trying to do.

That appreciation creates room for a different conversation: Thank you for trying to help. Could we find another way?

Keep the purpose. Change the behaviour.

Resource Therapy provides structured therapeutic actions to help us understand parts, their needs and their roles. Where appropriate, a therapist may support a part to negotiate new ways of meeting the same underlying need.

Maybe the part that wants to protect us can learn that setting a boundary is safer than always saying yes. Maybe the part seeking comfort can discover other sources of soothing. Maybe the part asking for rest can have its needs heard before exhaustion takes over.

We don't have to lose the purpose to change the pattern. We can honour what a part has been trying to achieve and help it discover more aligned ways to act.

A small invitation

Next time you notice a behaviour you want to change, see what happens if you swap “What's wrong with me?” for “What might this part be trying to do for me?”

That question doesn't fix everything. But it can be the beginning of a kinder, more useful conversation with ourselves.

All parts are welcome. Not all behaviours need to stay.