RTTA Learnings

Who’s Driving Your Bus?

By Tracy Lynch

Ever notice how you can feel like a completely different person depending on what's happening?

One day you're confident, capable and ready for anything. The next, a small comment leaves you wanting to hide under the doona. Or maybe one part of you knows you need a rest, while another is busy writing tomorrow's to-do list.

In Resource Therapy, we're curious about these different parts of ourselves. A helpful way to imagine them is as passengers on a bus.

Meet your passengers

There might be a part who is fantastic in a crisis. A caring part who looks after everyone. A playful part who loves dancing in the kitchen. A nervous part who worries about getting things wrong.

Perhaps there's also a tired part who's fallen asleep in the back seat, and a rather bossy part shouting directions from three rows behind!

Every part has a story. Some parts are already doing well: they're our strengths, resources and allies. Others may still carry fear, sadness, rejection or disappointment from experiences that were difficult to process at the time.

And who gets to drive?

Imagine you're about to have a difficult conversation. Your grounded, courageous part might be exactly who you want driving. But an anxious part, remembering a time when it felt unsafe to speak up, may suddenly grab the wheel.

We don't need to blame that anxious part. We can get curious about what it's carrying, what it's trying to manage and what might help it feel safer.

It's not about kicking anyone off the bus. It's about helping our inner community work together.

Resource Therapy offers us a map

A Resource Therapist might begin by asking three simple questions:

• What would you like to change?
• How would you like to feel?
• How would you like to act?

Your answers help the therapist explore what might be happening within your internal community. Resource Therapy uses different therapeutic action steps depending on whether parts are carrying unresolved emotions, in conflict with one another, or already available as healthy resources.

Sometimes the work involves helping a part carrying old pain to have a different, supportive felt experience. At other times it's about bringing an overlooked strength back into the driver's seat, maybe your playful part, your steady part, or the part that knows how to set a boundary with kindness.

What about the parts doing well?

They're every bit as important. Resource Therapy doesn't only focus on what's difficult. We want to know about the parts of you that already know how to feel confident, connected, capable, compassionate or safe.

These parts can become allies as you work through challenges. Sometimes the resource you need isn't missing, it's just been sitting quietly somewhere on the bus.

A little question for the road

Next time you notice a strong reaction, you might gently wonder: Who's driving my bus right now? What does this part need? Is there another part of me that could help?

You don't have to work it all out on your own. Sometimes curiosity is a beautiful place to begin.

Every Part Has a Purpose

By Tracy Lynch · RTTA Learnings

Ever caught yourself saying, “I hate the lazy part of me”? Or maybe, “Why can't I just stop eating when I'm stressed?” or “Why do I always say yes when I really want to say no?”

Sometimes we don't just dislike a behaviour. We begin to dislike the part of ourselves that seems to be doing it.

In Resource Therapy, all parts are welcome.

That doesn't mean every behaviour is helpful, or that every behaviour needs to stay. It means we can start with curiosity instead of criticism.

What's this part trying to do for me?

Imagine the part that reaches for food after a hard day. Maybe it's looking for comfort or relief. The part that can't say no might be trying to keep the peace or protect a relationship. And the part you've called lazy? Perhaps it's been desperately trying to get you some rest.

We can gently ask: What is this behaviour trying to get for me? Protection? Relief? Rest? Connection? A sense of power or control?

Then we get curious about the part's story. How long has it been doing this job? When did it first learn this way of coping? Has it been working overtime for years?

Appreciating the part isn't agreeing with the behaviour

Some of our parts learned their jobs a long time ago, in circumstances that were very different from our lives now. Their strategies may once have helped us manage difficult feelings or experiences, even if those strategies are getting in the way today.

There can be a real shift when we recognise how hard a part has been working and appreciate what it has been trying to do.

That appreciation creates room for a different conversation: Thank you for trying to help. Could we find another way?

Keep the purpose. Change the behaviour.

Resource Therapy provides structured therapeutic actions to help us understand parts, their needs and their roles. Where appropriate, a therapist may support a part to negotiate new ways of meeting the same underlying need.

Maybe the part that wants to protect us can learn that setting a boundary is safer than always saying yes. Maybe the part seeking comfort can discover other sources of soothing. Maybe the part asking for rest can have its needs heard before exhaustion takes over.

We don't have to lose the purpose to change the pattern. We can honour what a part has been trying to achieve and help it discover more aligned ways to act.

A small invitation

Next time you notice a behaviour you want to change, see what happens if you swap “What's wrong with me?” for “What might this part be trying to do for me?”

That question doesn't fix everything. But it can be the beginning of a kinder, more useful conversation with ourselves.

All parts are welcome. Not all behaviours need to stay.